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dating in 2018

I’m already over it. Haul me off to an island somewhere where I can drink margaritas and read Charlaine Harris novels for the rest of my life without being disturbed by errant FUCKWADS. I refuse to use the term “fuckboy” because it’s been trademarked by a generation that I simply loathe. There are a vast amount of terms when it comes to labeling a shitty man, but here’s the thing: they’re all shitty. Now, before you get on your friendzoned high horse and say “not all men” take a second and shut the fuck up because you’re part of the problem in the first place. Every man has a collective group of shitty qualities that he’s just “too dumb” to come to terms with. Meanwhile, in lady land, we’re plucking eyelashes so both eyes are symmetrical.

So, because I’m feeling angry (who here is shocked? anyone? moving on.) here’s a list of shitty things that have happened since I started dating again.

1.) pretty boys

2.) pretty boys who pretend that they’re confident, but shave their nipples and all subsequent body hair

3.) men without beards

4.) guys who conveniently stop contacting you after you’ve slept with them

5.) that same guy also plays dungeons and dragons

6.) feeling a tad bit lacking in the self confidence department because of that rejection

7.) missing the sex you had with that person

8.) having to resist booty calling that person because the current person you’re “sleeping with” is suddenly unavailable

9.) realizing you’ve pigeonholed yourself into dating unavailable men

10.) doing absolutely nothing to stop yourself

11.) because he’s so handsome and laughs at all my jokes. anyway

12.) having to consult your friends at all hours because you’ve never been single for more than a month

13.) realizing that you actually have to be patient if you’re gonna land someone decent

14.) failing miserably

15.) trying to do damage control on what you said when you were drunk and hopeful

16.) just ignoring the situation at all costs

17.) being stuck in casual conversation but not being able to actually see the person

18.) knowing you could booty call current person, but being too chicken shit to do it

19.) also, knowing you’ll probably do it, but at an extremely inconvenient time

20.) not caring

21.) having to wear makeup again

22.) and shave

23.) everything

24.) showering more frequently even though you’ve just dyed your hair red

25.) the self realization that my self care hasn’t exactly been up to par

26.) buying lingerie, then not being able to use it

27.) wanting to throw it out in spite of that person you bought it for

28.) knowing you’ll have immediate contact with that person soon after you do it

29.) knowing your standards and self worth, but completely ignoring them because biceps

30.) fuck

 

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About she who has no filter

i work 50 hours a week and don't always make time to actually maintain this site. JUDGE ME ASSHOLES. prepare yourself for exemplary wit and a whole lotta talk smackery.

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