tea that’s too hot to drink

sooooo barefoot now makes champagne.

Image

it’s called legen

wait for it

i hope you’re not lactose intolerant because it’s 

DARY

barefoot bubbly. my life is now complete.

how cute is that? i’m pretty sure that has got to be the best name for a bottle of sudsy goodness since the dawn of man and his love for alcoholic beverages. otherwise known as the 50’s. 

so my sweet little bloggy following people type things, my plan is to celebrate the completion of training at my NEW JOB. this bitch did, indeed, pass her state board and she didddd, ladies and gentlemen, start working within 4 days of receiving her license. 

bring on the barefoot bubbly! and if you’re all wondering if i shall be shoeless during the process, you bet your flabby asses i will be. because what says “classy bitch” more than getting drunk out of a most likely plastic cup on your boyfriend’s couch while being naked from the ankle down? i’ll tell you what’s classier than that: having to break the seal but not wanting to part with your beer, so you take it upstairs with you and then proceed to poo and take snapchat pictures that only your dear friend corina would appreciate because she’s secretly a badass. 

if you didn’t realize by now that that was completely relevant to my life, then idk what to do with you. you’re hopeless.

since i know i will probably (and let’s hope it’s a never) see any of you people, i can freely discuss my poo activities. who doesn’t have that one girl friend that isn’t afraid to say “i need to poop” or fart in public? that’s me, and you wish i was in your life. don’t you.

in conclusion, because i have absolutely no more amazing thoughts, i apologize for my absence. cause you all care so much. i’ve been busy working. i will try to frequent your brain each week. that sounded all kinds of personal since i didn’t use the plural.

aufwedersehn!